showing up

I don’t know why You didn’t show up.

Me in the dark with my mid-night prayers.
Muttering tear-stained mumbo-jumbo.
The slip-sliding, wishmaking, deep in the night promises I made to an empty sky.

Best to say.
I never knew how to pray anyway.
Down on my knees.
Face to the floor.

Better for me to walk through dry grass
dusty bare feet
pressed warm against the earth
sun on my neck.
Better for me the ripe fruit
berry stained hands
the shimmer-shine of breathing
the thump-thump-thump of meaning.

When I stopped begging
When I started moving
the whole world
the great delight of it
the wild parade of living things
right there
right here
all of it
showing up for me.

And me
how I really am
showing up for You.